It All Comes From Being a Chronic Chocoholic
by mrscribble
Summary: Nymphadora Tonks' diary - erm, journal, of course. Read every juicy secret she divulges within the pages - or not. See her relationship with a certain werewolf grow and fervently hope the aforementioned relationship won't stop growing. RLNT, multi-chapter
1. Chapter One A Chronic Chocoholic

**A/N: **I was reading the excellent _Lamentations of a Starry-Eyed Twit_ by She's a Star, and I couldn't help thinking if our dear Tonks had a diary – or journal, of course. Today, I am actually going to attempt at a multi-chapter Remus/Tonks fic, written with similar humour as She's a Star and Gedia Kecela's Sinistra and Snape diary works. If you haven't read them, you should.

I don't own a thing. All HP characters belong to JK Rowling, and the idea was from She's a Star (bless her

**It All Comes From Being a Chronic Chocoholic**

**27th April, 1995  
****Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place**

**8:42 PM**

Wotcher! My name's Nymphadora - just call me Tonks. I'm an Auror and a Metamorphmagus, just so you know, and I'm an Auror as well as a member of the Order of the Phoenix, and did I mention that I'm an Auror?

Right proud of that, I am.

Anyway, I'm twenty-three, and today's my birthday. I got this notebook from Molly she said I ought to get in touch with my more feminine side with this thing. She's a wonderful woman, but I don't need to get in touch with my feminine side, I'm already a woman, thankyouverymuch. Just because I prefer to butt-kick Death Eaters than serve them tea doesn't mean I'm completely a tomboy, and I don't need this stupid diary. My favourite colour's _pink_, for goodness' sake!

Glare.

That didn't turn out right, did it?

Of course, hating these notebooks doesn't have anything to do with when in third year my best friend stole my diary and showed it to the seventh-year I fancied, and he avoided me like the plague for the rest of the year just because I wrote something that was _just_ on the verge of obsession.

_Really._

Anyway, I got my own back on Amelia by magically dying her hair lime-green and

**  
8:56**

Sorry, I had to go help Molly with the dishes. She gave up on me when I broke the fourth dish in a row.

I went on a bit of a rant just then. This isn't a diary, anyhow, just a journal. Right.

Well, journal, since it's my birthday, a few of the Order members gave me _awesome _stuff, Kingsley gave me one of those really neat dragon hide wand hilts, with this advanced spell on it which lets only the owner of the wand to take the wand out of the hilt.

Molly gave me you, of course, and a pink Weasley jumper with the letter T on it in purple. I'm wearing it now, actually. Hestia and Emmeline both gave me t-shirts, one of them's orange and has the words SHUT UP on it, and the other one is a really precious Weird Sisters shirt, back from in 1987 when they had their first concert. I also got a book about constant vigilance from Mad-Eye (don't even ask why, I think he might've written it himself), a photo album full of pictures of me when I was a kid, and a pair of earrings from Bill (We were mates at Hogwarts, even though he was two years older than me).

And then, I got chocolate from Remus.

If you really want to know, I'm a self-confessed chocoholic, and I can demolish a box of 36 chocolates in under one hour; I drink hot chocolate for breakfast instead of coffee, and if I'm bored I'll eat a pint or six of chocolate ice cream. I just love chocolate; I can't stand not having any for at _least_ two days.

Now, if you must know, the only other chocoholic in the Order is Remus, and he can pack it on like nobody's business. Granted, he does it in slightly cleaner amounts than I do, and he's never run into Grimmauld Place shrieking "CHOCOLATE! GIVE IT TO ME!" after a fortnight of intense Auror work, but if there ever was a chocoholic as dedicated as him, I'll eat my combat boots. Literally.

He gave me a bloody_ five-pound block_. Of the finest dark chocolate I've ever tasted. And that's saying something, because last time I went to Belgium for Auror business, I went to a chocolate factory in my spare time - it was_ heavenly_. And Belgium's supposed to have the best chocolate_ in the world_. If that's not awesome, I don't know what is.

Now - about chocolate. White chocolate and milk chocolate come in a distant second to dark chocolate (for me). I would sell my _mother_ for a bar of good-quality dark chocolate, and I'd be on the edge of joining Voldemort for a life-time's supply.

Five pounds of dark chocolate, and I'm in heaven. Five pounds of dark chocolate that tastes better than anything else I've ever had sends me to the_ moon_.

**  
28th April, 1995  
****Cubicle, Auror Department**

**12: 31 PM**

Lunch break at the moment. Molly made me brownies and some sort of casserole. Mmm. Good. I woke up late today. My alarm clock somehow turned itself backward an hour, so I had to dash here without breakfast. Molly handed me lunch just as I was leaving, she seems to always know when I've not got any, bless her soul.

Still, Kingsley made me do a whole lot more boring paperwork.

I was reading _the Daily Prophet_ today. Apparently, the Ministry got hold of information somehow concerning Sirius – they say he's hiding in Britain somewhere. I'm scared for him, honestly. Kingsley's trying to convince them he's run away to Australia, or something.

Just in case someone gets their hands on this diary - I mean, journal, I'll just put a spell on it…

There. No one can read you except me. I didn't realize I'd brought you along. Must've been a mistake.

Excellent!

**  
12:46 PM**

Bugger.

Buggerbuggerbugger_bugger_.

I-

No.

You do _not_ want to know.

…Fine.

I _accidentally _let slip that I thought Kingsley's fiancée looks like a pig. To Kingsley.

He's going to _kill_ me.

**  
01: 14 PM**

Where did I put that three-pound block of chocolate I chopped off the block Remus gave me?

_**I need chocolate!**_

…

Oh no.

No you don't, Kingsley.

…

You didn't _dare_.

…

…He stole it! Kingsley stole my chocolate! When he knows perfectly well I can't survive without it, he goes and takes it! I didn't put it under these papers or in my bag or in my pocket or anywhere…

Oh, Remus, where are you when I need you!

…

I did _not_ write that.

…

I don't fancy him! Really! Just because I liked him when I was four doesn't mean I like him now. He's just a friend. A good friend, yes, but not like _that_. I mean, I live with the man. I moved into Grimmauld Place when my landlord evicted me. He said my Weird Sisters music bothered everyone else in the apartment building, and I didn't have anywhere else to stay, so I moved into Grimmauld Place – I just so _happened_ to move in when Remus did.

Well, maybe I do fancy him. Just a _little_, of course.

…

Stop looking at me like that!

…

…I think today's going to be a bad day.


	2. Chapter Two Love, Part 1: Denial

**A/N**: Thanks very much for the reviews, guys! A special thank-you to flightless wren, for the criticism. However, I'm just going to say that Tonks is going to be in denial, again, in this chapter (denial being on of the things Auriga is especially susceptible to). But yes, the frustration and attempts of seduction are coming! Just realise the title of this chapter is "Chapter Two - Love, Part I: Denial". And the chapter spiralled into sheer idiocy at the end. Oh well. 

You'll also notice Tonks is a whole lot more serious in this chapter. Hm.

****

**It All Comes from Being a Chronic Chocoholic**

**28th April, 1995  
Kitchen, 12 Grimmauld Place**

**5:57 PM**

Ooooooh, I am _so_ going to kill him. Get him where it hurts! Haha, that'll be the ticket.

Though I do wonder what Kingsley's afraid of.

Well, let's see. I know he hates Muggle rollercoasters, for one; once we had a mission involving pretending to be a couple at a Muggle carnival. Unwisely, I asked him to get on the rollercoaster with me - on the first drop he threw up.

And those were my best middle-aged-Muggle clothes, for Merlin's sake!

I doubt he'dtremble in his bootsat the sight of a tiny three-inch high one, though.

Erm, he doesn't like Death Eaters?

No, that won't work.

I heard from Emmeline he doesn't like swimming... Though it's not like I'd sink to the level of Gred and Forge pranking. Besides, I'm not all that tall anyway, and I have no idea where to get a bucke-

_Perfect_.

**5:59 PM**

Alright, here's the drill! I've set up a nice trap for Kingsley... muahaha. Every time there's an Order meeting, he comes in the door to the kitchen at exactly six o'clock. This time, I've put a bucket of water up on the door's top with help from Fred (or was it George?) ; when he opens that door, he's going to be absolutely soaked. Hah! Justice served. I knew I was going to come up with a foolproof plan to humiliate and squash that chocolate-stealing man's pride!

Here he comes now!

**  
Closet, Second-floor Hallway, 12 Grimmauld Place**

**6:12 PM**

Oh, for Merlin's sake! Kingsley, of all people, should have walked in that door exactly at the right time exactly how I'd planned. But _nooo,_ he comes with Mad-Eye Moody and lets Mad-Eye open the door.

Bloody idiot.

Mad-Eye got the full blow of it. Yeah, Kingsley got splashed, but that was minimal water damage. Moody got soaked right down to his paranoid socks and feet, all through his leather belt and over his special hip flask.

Erm, that's why I'm hiding in this closet.

**6:13 PM**

I didn't really give you a proper introduction back then, did I?

Well, since I'm stuck in here 'til someone finds me (or some couple come in here to snog before the meeting), I might as well relate to you my whole life story, from its pitiful beginning to what will be its pitiful end when Mad-Eye catches up to me.

I was born on the 27th of April, 1972, in a Muggle hospital near Surrey. The fool of a woman known as my mother gave me the bloody name Nymphadora Dimentia Crystal, and the fool of a man known as my father was so smitten with me (this is their version of the story, not mine, honestly) he didn't bother to change my name, and so began my existence.

When I was a kid, I wasn't as clumsy as I am now. Of course, that was before I found out I was a Metamorphmagus. How I found out was kind of strange, really. What had happened was that my grandmother had just died - the one on my dad's side, who brought me teddies and dollies every time she came over to visit. After the funeral, at the tender age of six, I'd asked my father why Granny Tonks wouldn't come visit any more, and he'd attempted to crack a joke, saying I hadn't been good enough; at this point, I felt sad and I asked whether I could ever be as good as my favourite doll, Hazel. Unconsciously, I changed my face to look like the doll, white porcelain skin, unnatural pink spots on my cheeks, huge blue eyes, straw blonde hair in two neat plaits. My parents were pretty stunned, I can tell you that much.

After that, my personality changed a bit. I didn't play with my dolls all the time, and I didn't use the tiny china teacups that were made for the dolls; morphing all the time made it hard for me to remember how big my hands or feet were (it's still hard to tell now) so my mum and dad wouldn't let me near anything breakable. I started to climb trees, play on an old broom of my dad's, got a bit more tough with the boys next door. Became more of a tomboy, I suppose. Though my favourite colour's still pink.

Anyway, speeding up to Hogwarts, I was sorted into Gryffindor - it was a choice between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. My mum was proud of me, but I know my dad was sort of disappointed I didn't get into Ravenclaw; still, all through Hogwarts, I did pretty well (except in Potions, where I made what I think was the record for numbers of vials broken - I lost track somewhere around one hundred and thirty two). All the girls had nice names, though. Like Cynthia and Aimee and even Lin and Pat; I hated my name, then my friends started calling me Tonks when the phase of last-name-calling caught on. I guess Tonks stayed on me after the novelty wore off for the others. Since then, I've been Tonks.

I was on the Quidditch team, too, a half of the best Beater team at Hogwarts. Guaranteed, I was prone to slipping off my broom a bit, but what I can do with a Beater's bat made up for it.

When I got out of Hogwarts, I sort of drifted around for two years, travelling around Britain, doing odd jobs. I moved out, then I decided I wanted to be an Auror. I almost failed Stealth and Tracking, but I tell you, I've got a killer instinct for trouble, and being a Metamorphmagus is as good as acing _any_ Polyjuice Potion test.

I guess the rest is it. I joined the Order last year. It's hard to be on "both sides" at once, but there's that thrill of the hunt, you know? It's just... I don't know.

Oh no, I hear steps from outside. Bugger, I think it's

**29th April, 1995  
Library, 12 Grimmauld Place**

**3:32 PM**

Mmm, Dumbledore saved me. That wonderful old coot. You've just got to love him, despite his rather _odd_ sweet-loving ways.

It's a Saturday today; I get Saturdays off. You'd think Kingsley'd force me into working again, after that (failed) attempt at his pride yesterday, but he rather gracefully accepted my apology, let me keep this day off, and even gave me back half of my chocolate (Though I _do _wonder where the other half got to).

I just had a talk with Sirius. I can tell he hates being shut up in this horrible house. I can't blame him, really. The closest he ever gets to fresh air is going outside in that tiny courtyard outside; it's overridden with weeds and all these evil plants that want to eat you. Not a pretty sight,I tell you.

I can tell something else, too. He's going crazy in here. Of course, that has nothing to do with the next thing he did.

.._Anyway_, he came to me in the dining room and asked me if he could talk to me. Sirius, at this point, looked uncomfortable, and asked, rather embarrassedly (I don't think that's a word, but hey, whatever), "Do you fancy Remus?"

..I can't believe I said yes.

Maybe I do.

Fine, I do. But it's not like I can do a bloody thing about it. I'm betting you I'm not even his type, anyway. Remus probably likes those intelligent women who have nothing else to do but spout random phrases from Shakespeare and Poe all day long.

Bloody Emmeline. Knew there was something about her that squicked me.

...I think it's time for Operation **F.L.I.R.T** (that stands for **F**ind **L**ikenesses of **I**ntelligence for **R**emus.. to **T**ake?). Not like I have anything to do other than make up acronyms all day long.

_Really_.


	3. Chapter Three Love, Part 2: Plans

**It All Comes From Being a Chronic Chocoholic  
  
**

**1st May, 1995  
Kitchen Table, 12 Grimmauld Place**

**5:35 PM**

Been so busy for the last few days. I had to do a whole lot of paperwork, both for the Order and the Ministry, plus, Molly floo'd me and told me to do some spring cleaning in this _horrible _house. Sirius has been in one of his moods lately, skulking around the house and hardly talking to anyone who stops by other than Buckbeak, and I guarantee that's _not_ easy to stop him from doing.

I think I sort of dashed my chances with Remus, too. Found out tequilas are not good for my sanity. Apparently I started a -

_No_. Shan't tell you.

...Lap dance.

...

_Cringe._

Luckily, I passed out from too much alcohol before I could do anything that could injure my pride forever, and when I apologised to the man he chuckled and said that I was drunk and it didn't really matter that much.

**5:37**

Yes, I think Operation **F.L.I.R.T** must begin.

...Actually, now it means **F**orge **L**ikenesses of **I**ntelligence for **R**emus, **T**actfully.

Ahem.

...Anyway, I'm beginning by finding out what sort of women he likes. Asked Sirius a few days ago when I'd given him a bottle of scotch, and he was so drunk he told me Remus'd always preferred the brainy Ravenclaw type at Hogwarts, but his last girlfriend was in his sixth year, therefore his interests might've changed. I _knew_ it.

Being a Metamorphmagus comes in handy at times like these, as well. Sirius said Remus had always gone out with brunettes; though I don't trust Sirius on that. After asking me if I liked Remus, he's been acting relatively strangely. Anyway, he knows I've brown hair naturally...

Don't think I'm ready to show anyone my real face, though. Looking a whole lot like Aunt Bellatrix isn't a good idea 'round here.

**6:20**

Went upstairs to Remus' room and asked if I could borrow a book. Looked pleasantly at me with those bloody _beautiful_ amber eyes and asked what book I'd wanted.

Even though I'm used to being around the man and see him every day, I instantly melted and said something along the lines of "Bookanee. I mean, cute eyes - no, book. Sook. took? Erm. Book ee. Mmm. Cook - no, look? W-o-o-k. I mean, o-o-k. B-o-o-k! Yes! Book!"

He stared at me strangely for a moment, then said in a rather mischievious voice, "Glad you've finally learnt how to spell, Nymphadora."

I was stunned for a moment. Couldn't believe Remus had shot me an almost sarcastic reply, plus, giving the man of your dreams (never mind that he treats you like a _five-year-old_) the impression you can't even spell the word _book _is a little disturbing.

One thing I really hate about him, though, is how he always apologises after saying something actually witty and on the verge of sarcasm - I reckon he's been treaded over like a doormat so many times he thinks it's harmful to other people. I don't mind him giving comebacks like that... I might even go so far as to say it's almost endearing. _Sigh_.

Anyway, he apologised instantly, I told him any book would do, then he sorted through a whole pile of books sitting in a corner (honestly, I can't see how he can fit so many books into that room) and handed one to me, saying how he thought I might like it. Haven't read it yet. Maybe I'll start soon.

**  
6:43**

Who uses the word haemulidae in a book? Who even knows _what the flipping hell it means_?

...

I've read two pages so far, and I've never seen half of the words I've read.

...

That's _it._ This is _not working_.

Maybe I should go with the appearance thing. Come to think of it, I haven't gone on a diet for a while - what self-respecting woman would, if they could change their weight whenever they wanted? Maybe I should stay natural for a little while. You know, the whole brunette thing? Except I'd change a few minor things, you know. To make sure I don't look like a Death Eater who I seem to inherit almost all of my looks from. Right.

Maybe I ought to change the name of Operation **F.L.I.R.T** to **F**ake **L**ikenesses of **I**nterest for **R**emus' **T**astes.

**2nd May, 1995  
Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place**

**1:14 AM**

_Current Weight: 135 lb.; Times I've Berated Myself About This Accursed Diet: Lost count._

Stupid, stupid, _stupid_ Tonks. Never drink coffee in the late evening when you've stopped yourself from having any chocolate in sight. That way, you'll actually be able to get a bit of sleep during the night!

I never realised how strange it is for the Order members to hear me say "_No thanks, I'm on a diet_". McGonagall's eyebrows shot up so fast I thought they'd pop off her face, Hestia raised an eyebrow skeptically, Bill_ smirked_ at me, Molly froze half-way through a forkful of chocolate cake, Moody snorted and muttered something about constant vigilance, Sirius coughed, grinning madly as his eyes flickered between Remus and me, and Remus just stared at me blankly.

Then Molly asked nonchalantly, "Are you okay, dear?" When I nodded, she continued, "Because I'm _sure_ the Tonks we all know wouldn't turn down a chance at chocolate cake."

Immediately, the inner proud Black flared up. Honestly, if someone half-called you a pig you would be mad, too! Anyway, I very righteously told her that I had the same right to diet as any other woman on the planet, even though it'd be sort of pointless for me, and then I sort of drifted away into some random one-sided argument, ending with the words, "Blondes aren't the only ones entitled to fun, you know!" and then stormed up the stairs, but of course tripping over my own feet twice before making it to the staircase.

And don't you_ dare_ say I'm going barmy! I have every reason to argue my feminity! Just because I'm a Metamorphmagus doesn't mean I'm just a tomboy! I might be able to change my appearance whenever I want, and yeah, I love black, but pink is my favourite colour, too! It's the new black, just so you know, and don't you say I'm blue either, because electric blue really isn't me, though that nice icy blue I can make with my eyes is pretty cool and besides, fish aren't all endangered, just the endangered ones, and eggs are best fried, not poached!

Maybe I should call it **F**ind **L**ikenesses of **I**nsanity for **R**emus' **T**error.

****

A/N: Ah, poor Tonks. She really thinks she's going crazy.

Slightly more sanity retained in the next chapter, served with a generous portion of frustration, wine (Oh no! Will she get drunk?), rubber ducks, and some doubts on whether Remus even thinks of Tonks as a woman. Plus, Sirius seems to be sneakier and sneakier each chapter... ;-) Review, review, review, and don't forget to write plenty of stories for me to read! XD


	4. Chapter Four Love, Part 3: Frustration

**It All Comes From Being a Chronic Chocoholic**

**2nd May, 1995  
Cubicle, Auror Department**

**5:24 AM**

Kingsley asked me to come early to work today. Apparently there's been a whole bit of controversy about the Death Eaters and Voldemort, and Dumbledore's disappearance last month is still circulating around the press; there've been a few articles in the lesser known 'papers about him. Headlines like "_DUMBLEDORE IN DUNGEONS?_" and "_HEADMASTER SUSPECTED HEADLESS!_" I doubt any of them are true, actually. Dumbledore hasn't even told the Order where he is, and those articles seem pretty reliant on alliteration in the titles.

Still, that's no reason at_ all_ for Kingsley to come to Headquarters, _barge_ into my room and poke me until I woke up! I had only about three hours of sleep, and I wasn't even on a bloody mission!

Talk about sleep...

**8:12 AM**

Sod it! I slept! Kingsley's going to _kill _me when he finds out I haven't finished all these ruddy sheets!

**  
Second-Floor Bathroom, 12 Grimmauld Place  
7:39 PM**

Aaahh. Nice... warm... bath. Bubbles. And a hot pink rubber duck. What more could a tired, ultra-sexy, kick-butt, irresistible female Auror enjoy?

Er, maybe not as much ultra-sexy and irresistible. But kick-butt, definitely.

...I must admit, it'd be better if I had -

_NO_, Tonks! _BAD_ thoughts!

...I wonder why Remus doesn't even know? You would think Sirius would drop a whole lot of hints, or something. Sirius is like that. Sure, he's been extra sneaky looking the last few days, but he hasn't said anything to Remus; that is, I don't think so.

Anyway, it's just so bloody frustrating how Remus never gets all the hints I've been throwing at him the last couple of days. Or weeks. Or even months, if you'd like that better.

You'd think he'd realize how much I like him. I mean, I don't ever wear my hair long and brown, like natural, and I don't usually do lap dances, even if I'm utterly and completely smashed;_ nor_ do I usually shriek with delight at people's presents, or ask for books from people who probably actually do know the meaning of haemulidae. I'd say that I've been pretty clear in my intentions!

...Unless he thinks I've put on this failing show for someone _else_, that is. Like - I dunno, Charlie, or Bill, or even _Kingsley_. Or maybe he doesn't even think I'm old enough! Well, I _can_ be mature, Remus John Lupin! _I'll _show you!

Merlin, this _is_ frustrating. Sometimes I just want to get hold of something and _squeeze_ until -

Damn duck! Evil, it is. Oh yes, it might have been cute at the beginning, but nooooo, it's _eeeeeeevil_. Don't you _DARE_ squeak so innocently when I strangle you by seizing your neck! Stupid, satanic duck...

**Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place  
7:58 PM**

And again, I was HUMILIATED! EVIL DUCK! _EVIL_!

You _don't _want to know.

_...Fine._

I chucked the rubber duck at Remus.

I didn't mean to, I swear! I was going to throw it at the door, but then just as I did Remus must've accidentally opened the door or something, I forgot to lock it, and it hit him straight on the forehead!

Why he was opening the closed door of a bathroom is beyond me, though. And he should've known I was in there, I'm the only person usually in the house, other than Sirius. Hm.

Anyway, it hit him and he looked rather stunned for a moment before apologising for the _obvious_ breach of my privacy (no doubt he thought I threw the duck at him 'cause he'd opened the door) and closed the door quietly.

The least he could do was come in and snog me. That'd be nice. Not like I regularly think about him snogging me, really. _Really._

Erm. Yes.

I think I'll get out now.

**Kitchen, 12 Grimmauld Place  
11:47 PM**

Sirius just discovered some corked bottle of 1972 cherry ice wine or something down in the cellar. I pestered him for a bit, he wouldn't let me have any at first; I guess he was planning to sneak it up to his dead mum's room. Anyway, I gave him the revered puppy-dog stare, and he crumpled like someone being hit with _Avada Kedavra_! There's no way he can resist the puppy-dog stare. You'd think he would have developed some sort of immunity to it (which I'm pretty sure he has over the years... that's strange, that he let me have some).

He just poured me a glass, and he's asking whether it's good or not. That's strange, too. Usually, Sirius'd dive right in for the kill - I mean, drink, of course, and wouldn't even ask if I'd wanted him to pour it. Strange, yes, but maybe he's just changing from being cooped up in here.

Mmm. It _does_ taste good. Has a sort of rustic, country-like taste, and smells like cherries and grapes. Very strong scent, but really nice. It's aged really well.

...Ackk! Remus is coming down the stairs! Oh, bloody hell, he's _here _and Sirius is pouring him a glass too. Right, now Remus is thanking Sirius and he's taken a sip...

Why do I always feel like I'm stalking him?

After all, it's not like I follow him around or watch him do things, even if they're not of the slightest importance, or - or -

Er. Well, I suppose it's not exactly stalking, really; just... observation. Right?

...Come to think of it, this wine tastes a little funny.

I mean, it's sort of... got this little sour taste, and the smell's actually not really sweet... it's bittersweet, but more bitter, really. And the colour - for cherry ice wine, it ought to be purple-y redder, but it has this tinge of clouded... blue? Or grey? No, it's actually just sort of this cloudy colour. That's strange...

Maybe Sirius spiked it with vodka - but why would he have done that? High-quality wine should never be mixed with other alcohol or spirits. He knows that...

_Now_ I have this really strange headache, for some reason. And I doubt it's because Remus is sitting across the table from me, though I don't have any doubts that any other sensible woman would get twitchy around him. _Sigh_. I think it's the wine.

Wait a second - _I think it's the wine_.

Oh crap crap crap _crap_! Sirius Black, you wouldn't **dare**!

**

* * *

**

**A/N**: Wouldn't dare what? ;-) That for me to know and you to find out... in the next chapter. Told you Sirius was being sneaky. Next chapter: more Remus and Tonks. Ah, feel the love.

Review, pretty please with a cherry-flavoured bottle of ice wine on top?


	5. Chapter Five Love, Part 4: Distraction

**It All Comes From Being A Chronic Chocoholic**

**3rd May, 1995  
Library, 12 Grimmauld Place**

**7:52 AM**

(Excerpt from Interesting Potions, written circa. 1930, by Uncin Feelweed, pasted very sloppily in)

**_Veritasamo Potion_**

_This _most_ potent potion is created by mixing concentrated Veritaserum and Love Potion. The two, if stirred in the right amounts, creates Veritasamo, which is a very powerful potion. In order to be completely effective, the potion must be administered on a half moon, preferably at a time close to midnight, when the moon is high and bright. It can easily be mixed with other liquids at the time of consumption with no effect on its efficiency._

_The Veritasamo Potion creates an unbreakable love between the two persons drinking it. However, unlike the Love Potion, it will wear off within one moon cycle; if the two do not confess their undying love, residuals of the potion shall remain._

_This is where the rougher, harsher aspects of the potion come into place. The two will forever be inclined to speak nothing but the whole truth to each other._

_For the moon cycle in which the potion is active, both consumers will not be able to speak falsely to one another; all exchanges between the two during the moon cycle period will not contain anything except the entire truth. Fortunately, there is a way to counteract this: if the two persons stay away from each other and avoid conversation, it will not be likely to affect them; neither will it be as effective if the two have enough willpower to hold back the truth about the other but let out the rest. Unfortunately, if the two do not confess their love within the time period in which the potion is fully active, they must speak naught but the truth to each other for as long as they live._

_There have been few instances in which the two persons in question already are in love. If such be true, all that will happen is that their truthfulness will become stronger than before, and both parties will find it very difficult to resist the urge to speak the truth. It will become increasingly hard to stop the truth from spilling out._

_The creator of this potion was a powerful but deluded Dark wizard at his power's peak in 1273 who thought he might take over the world by reducing all to a love-induced state. He was shortly defeated in 1275 by one of the greatest darkness-catchers of his time, Nequam Bardusliber._

_He also created an antidote to the potion, named_ (Large stain of deep ink here, covering the rest of the page)

(End of excerpt)

I can't _believe_ Sirius, that _git_! He probably stole some Veritaserum from Snape and cooked up a batch of Love Potion down in the cellars! What am I supposed to do now? If it wasn't for that bloody ink blotch on the page, I could find the antidote for the damned potion!

Well, until I figure out what the antidote is, I'll have to stay away from Remus and wait for Sirius to come out of his room so I can drop-kick him to the moon. _Heaven _knows that's an almost impossible task! I can't stay away from him unless I get a distraction of some sort. _Sigh_.

Come to think of it, I do have a distraction... that man John Brown from Magical Law Enforcement asked me out yesterday. I reckon I might just accept his offer... that ought to help me forget about Remus for the next month or so.

Actually, John's pretty good-looking, too. He's got lovely brown hair and beautiful hazel eyes; a bit on the skinny, scrawny side, but I bet a few ladies are willing to get their hands on him. Still, he's not_ Remus_!

...I reckon I need more chocolate.

**Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place  
10:41 PM**

My last-minute date went wonderfully, thank you! I decided on loose brown shoulder-length ringlets, and I wore a nice dressy top and my best pair of jeans, along with the earrings Bill got me and that_ adorable_ rhinestone cuff I bought at a flea market.

He was the complete gentleman, opened doors for me and everything. We went to a trendy Muggle restaurant, awesome music and everything. Afterwards we went for a dance at a club. _Very _fun.

I can't help but feel a_ little_ overwhelmed by him, though. He talks so much, and when he does, it's always about work and the Ministry and stuff. It's just so... I don't know. You'd think a man his age would like to talk about something else once in a while.

...and I wouldn't let him _kiss_ me.

I know, it's stupid... but he just doesn't seem to be right, you know? Maybe a different time I'll let him. But now... I dunno. I don't think I'm ready.

**11:02 PM**

And I shouldn't tell you about what happened before the date, really. It wasn't much.

No, it wasn't much if you don't count my _almost heart attack_. End sarcasm here!

Anyway, when I was going down the stairs, I saw Remus down in the kitchen and I was hoping to sneak by him but he noticed me, and for a moment, he gave what looked like the smallest possible frown, then gave me a large smile and said, "Hello, Nymphadora. Where are you going?"

He was drinking scotch and eating chocolate at the same time. Remus never does that unless something's wrong. Maybe he found out about the Veritasamo as well.

So, I just sort of mumbled, "Going out," in what I hoped was a nonchalant way. He quirked an eyebrow at me and I hastily added, "On a date. And it's _Tonks_."

For a second, I thought his face fell, but it returned to its usual, casual expression in a snap and he said pleasantly, "Have fun."

I smiled weakly and I was about to go out of the door to the kitchen when he blurted out from behind me, "Nymphadora?"

Without waiting for my reply, he said very quickly, "_Youlookbeautiful_."

Almost fainted, but managed to get out of the house gracefully enough without stumbling until I was outside.

_... he likes me, he likes me, he likes me..._

Ah, who am I kidding? _I like him, I like him, I like him..._

No. I _can't_ think that. John's a nice bloke, alright. I'm going out with him again next week. Maybe I'll wear a nice dress next time.

**11:07 PM **

Why _is_ it that every time I think about _John_, I start thinking about _Remus_?

**

* * *

A/N**: Why does she, _indeed_. 

I _know,_ I've been terribly lazy, and I completely forgot to answer all your general reviews! So, in response to all the generally important or good ones:

**Pickledishkiller**: Yes, Tonks does know he's got lycanthropy. If I can write it right, there should be a bit more on that later in the story ;-)

**Carnivalgirl**: Because insanity generally worms itself into one's mind when one is living in the same house as the person you like, especially when you also live with your mother's cousin who just so happens to be the person you like's best friend. XD

**Pickledishkiller, iamari**: Both of you were right. O

Aaaaand _much_ thanks to these people who have reviewed for the last four chapters:

**crazy turtle**, **iamari**, **Rae Roberts**, **LupinLovesTonks**, **FCK all that's missing is U** (by the way, your penname is hilarious XD), **Miz Granger**, **starnat**, **Unforgettable**, **TrinityDD**, **Pickledishkiller**, **Carnivalgirl**, **Lavender Tears**, **oSugarLilyo**, **LuluCebu**, **flightless wren**, **winklynn88**, **Alice L Longbottom**, and my very first reviewer for this story, **Captianjack**!

Thanks, all! Hope you review again!


	6. Chapter Six Love, Part 5:Fake Acceptance

**It All Comes From Being a Chronic Chocoholic**

**  
4th May, 1995  
Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place**

**6:52 AM**

I need chocolate.

I also need to get out more.

Bugger you too.

**7:26 AM**

I managed to stagger down the stairs, grab a bar of Honeyduke's best, and come back up without having to talk to Remus. Heard water running from the second floor bathroom; reckon he was in there. I just had enough self-control to stop from barging right in and snogging him senseless; I'm trying to keep away from him, and besides, he locks his door when he takes his morning shower, but he leaves it open when he takes the quick shower at nine in the night.

Not that I've memorised his schedule, or anything.

...I need to go find Gladys.

**  
Cubicle, Auror Department  
1:18 PM**

As usual, Gladys was sitting at her desk in Documenting Offices when I found her. She was gossiping with the other girls in her department; something about Raine Stimmon's new boyfriend. Raine never could keep a man for long, even in Hogwarts - she was the pretty blonde Hufflepuff who hadn't a clue what was going on.

Anyway, I dragged Gladys out to the bakery around the corner. I bribed her with a couple of cinnamon buns, and she agreed to help me.

Gladys is a very sharp, to-the-point sort of woman. She's got a really angular sort of face, and she's basically a rack of bones. Don't let that fool you, though - she was only refused entry to the Aurors because there were too many applicants already.

Gladys is the queen of advice. Any problem, any time limit, she'll find the answer for you, 100 percent guaranteed. Not for free, though, but you can always appeal to her sweet tooth to get her help. She's a great thinker, could think herself out Azkaban - that is, with the proper sanity, of course.

Where was I?

Right then. I asked her how I could lose weight. Which is, of course, every woman's way of saying "_I've got horrible problems, help me or die!_". That is, I think. Heh.

She looked at me funny, then said, "Don't eat so much chocolate."

I _knew_ it. It's the universal problem solver! If I can stop eating chocolate so much, I can take over the bloody world. Great help, Gladys. _Great_ help.

..well, I'll try it just in case.

**2:42 PM**

Must... have.. chocolate...

Stranded in here without a speck of chocolate to be found. I'm _dooooomed_. _DOOOOOMED_, I say!

Maybe I'll go make Kingsley get me some.

**2:45 PM  
**

Never mind.

**Drawing Room, 12 Grimmauld Place  
4:24 PM  
**

I cunned Mad-Eye and Kingsley into letting me off early. Dashed home, stopping by Diagon Alley on the way to buy three pints of Double Chocolate Chocoball Chip ice-cream. I swear, all of the Muggles have no idea what they're missing out on; Florescue's ice-cream is heavenly.

...maybe I should buy another three pints. Ever since Florescue started the takeout container thing, I've been buying so much chocolate ice-cream.

Maybe there's a charm on it.

After all, not average woman could down two and a half pints in just under a quarter of an hour.

..._bugger_.

**4:56 PM**

Remus just was in for a bit. Had a whole lot've conversation with him, avoiding anything vaguely incriminating that I might have let slip. He seemed really quite distant. I reckon he's embarrassed.

...Ahh, he loves me.

Well, probably not. Hehe.

**Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place  
5:07 PM**

Went downstairs for a second, I was thinking of magically defrosting some chicken for an early dinner or something. Instead, I found a large plate of spaghetti on the kitchen counter and a note. Here it is:

_(note pasted sloppily in, but less sloppily than last time)_

_Nymphadora:_

_I already made pasta yesterday, these leftovers you can heat up. I'm going to be out for a bit. Take care of Sirius, he's still brooding about something Severus said up in Buckbeak's room. Dead rats for the hippogriff are in the pantry somewhere - don't worry about the smell, I froze them. Defrost those as well, would you?_

No, I'm not going out for a drink. Actually - well, screw that, I'm going to the Frog's Livers. Don't worry about me. I'll stock up on more chocolate in Hogsmeade.

_Erm - about the Veritsamo; I think it affects written word as well. Yes, I know about it. Before I write anything that'll land me in deeper trouble than I already am, I'll be going now._

_Remus_

_(end of note)_

_Siiigggghhhhh_. He knows about the potion. Bloody potion.

..I'd say this is a _most_ opportune moment to get revenge.

**6:01 PM**

Sirius is a filthy, dirty, witch!

Literally.

...I found some gender-changing powder in the cellar. Believe me, I know what it looks like. Anyway, I pinched some and put it in Sirius' pasta. He ate the whole plate, that greedy pig!

Turned into a most unbecoming masculine version of Aunt Augusta, that old hag down in the front hall. Furthermore, as soon as he realised what had happened, I put a Freezing Charm on him and pinched his wand. The little sucker'll be completely humiliated when I show the Order the Muggle photos I took of him. Pity the gender-changing powder only lasts for an hour.

That shows you never to mess with an Auror with style! Oooh, Sirius, you're going down. Yes, cousin, DOWN! DOWN! **MUAHAHAHA!**

**6:27 PM**

Well, Remus came back. Saw what I did to Sirius and cracked up into fits of hysterical laughter. I'm not sure whether the alcohol played a part in the uncharacteristic giggles, snorts and snickers, but he seemed pretty damn appreciative.

Y'know, I reckon I won't really have to stay that far away from Remus. I mean, I'd have to be near him sooner or later. I guess I feel a bit more comfortable, what with all the truths and stuff. He's just a friend, really.

Anyway, changing the subject, Remus brought these following items of chocolatey goodness back with him: two jumbo packs of Chocoballs; forty Chocolate Frogs; six pints of Double Chocolate Chocoball Chip ice-cream (he really does know me well, that man does); two bars each of white, milk and dark chocolate, and a bag of mixed chocolate chips.

So, we sat down at the kitchen table and I started demolishing the ice-cream (an hour and a half since my last chocolate intake is pretty damn long, you know) while he started on a bar of white chocolate. White's his favourite, actually.

There we were, chatting about trivial things, when suddenly Sirius stormed down, the Freezing Charm having worn off I never was really good at those), but the gender-changing powder was still in effect. He looked pretty cheerful, though, and he sat down at the table with us and said, "Guess what?"

I, of course, being a naturally inquisitive person (that has _nothing _to do with being nosy.. of _course_ not!) asked "_what_?"

Then Sirius replied, smirking all the while, "I'm not telling you the antidote until you get me out of this state!"

Remus leapt up and performed _Finite Incantatem_, but Sirius just grinned after that and said, "I'm still not going to tell you!", before hop-skipping back up the stairs, all the while humming _God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs._

I. Am. So. Screwed. Foget what I said before, I can't stand being around Remus like this! Lucky I'm seeing John tomorrow.

* * *

**A/N**: Mmm, more Tonks torture. Coming up is one dramatically in-depth account of her date with John, as well as a horrible aftermath, ending in Remus torture. After all, we all already know he likes our dear Tonks here ;-) Review please!


	7. Chapter Seven Love, Part 6: Humiliation

**It All Comes From Being a Chronic Chocoholic**

**  
5th May, 1995  
Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place**

**12:42 PM**

Curses and bugger and frog's eyes and bat's ears!

**12:43 PM**

My life is _overrrrrr_.

**12:44 PM**

And not over as in, like, I'm dead. Because I'm not.

**12:45 PM**

But I might as well die and get it over with!

**12:46 PM**

I wonder if anyone'll notice if I stay in here for the rest of my living days?

**12:47 PM**

Oh, but not that anyone will care. By the time they find me, I'll just be a rotting stinking corpse of withered bones that are pliable and mushy because after all that's what the Healers told me what my bones really are and that's why I can metamorph and I'll just be holdign a moht-eatne voerdeu peice of Coakraoch Clustre and Meriln, I can't enve spel proprely anyrmoe adn I mite as wel _dieeeee_.

**12:51 PM**

And I'm_ never_ going downstairs _ever_ again!

**12:52 PM**

I should tell you what happened.

Well, it all started with my date with John, you see. He floo'ed me in the morning and told me that we were going to go to a rather fancy French restaurant so I should dress up a bit. Sure enough, I dug out my little black dress with the pink lace trim, and I wore my good pink heels with matching purse. Did my hair up in one of those tricky little French knots, and I decided I looked perfect.

Remus wasn't home, so I had no distracting moments when I came down the stairs, at least. I met up with John at the front of the restaurant, and he'd broughtfor me a huge bouquet of roses. I suppose I haven't mentioned to him that I get allergies and that I'd really rather a nice big box of chocolate instead. Ah well, it's the thought that counts, I guess.

Anyway, the restaurant was a really upper-class ritzy place. Its name was_ Les Petits Mangent _(which roughly translates to "the small eat" or "the small ones eat" which makes no sense whatsoever) and John'd reserved a balcony overlooking the city. It was _beautiful_, and John had even gotten a violinist to _serenade _us while we ate.

I had frog's legs and escargot, as well as bouillabaisse and some meat dish John ordered for us to share. Some sort of veal, I think.

Anyway, after we had dinner, John took us to a coffeehouse, with all these exotic types of drinks and things, and we had dessert there, as well as a really long conversation.

I found out a lot about John, and I think I'm really warming up to him. I learnt that he'd been working for the Ministry since he got out of Hogwarts, and that he has a younger sister in Hogwarts named Lavender, in Harry's year, surprisingly, and one of Hermione's dorm mates. His middle name's Laomedon, and he was born on July third.

I told him a bit about the Order, too; I trust him enough to tell him. His reaction wasn't really surprising, actually; he told me he'd rather if I stopped being in the Order, because I "might fracture a bone or break an arm" and "the field's too dangerous for a lovely woman like you". I appreciate his worry for me, but I'm not a bloody _child_, honestly, and the war's so much more than breaking a bone. It's about salvaging what's good in this life, like love, and friends and family, and dark chocolate above all because it just _rocks_.

Another thing that bugged me, though, was what he said when I let slip that one of my best friends is a werewolf. He said (this is a direct quote, by the way) "don't you feel _unsafe_ around him? Maybe you should stop fraternising with a Dark creature so often."

Well, I gave him a piece of my mind, then, and when I calmed down enough he told me he just worried for me. _Siggghhhhh_. He's so _sweet_.

And then -

No, I'd just like to dwell on the pretty parts of my evening, thanks.

**1:07 PM**

... I let him _kiss_ me.

He was walking me home because it's such a lovely warm night, and I stopped two blocks from Grimmauld Place because we're not allowed to show anyone out of the Order where Headquarters is. Anyway, I said that I'd had a wonderful night, and he sort of leaned down to kiss me, and I think I got carried away with the strange resemblance and everything.

_I sort offorgothewasjohnandpretendedhewasremus._

I didn't mean to, I swear! I just sort of... drifted, and before I knew it, he had silver-grey streaks in his hair and amber-brown eyes, and we ended up with my arms around his shoulders and his hands placed rather snugly on my waist, and I found out he's a pretty good kisser.

Then - disaster.

...My life is _over_!

**1:14 PM**

...Remus Apparated in just behind me.

Well, John saw him first and we pulled away, then Remus looked very coldly at John, then at me, and he said icily, "Excuse me," and swept past us, but when he looked at me he had seemed almost - I don't know, _hurt_, with his eyes dark and hard. John just stared after him and muttered indignantly, "how rude!" before wishing me a good night and Disapparating.

So, now my chances with Remus are screwed. When I got home he was locked in his room and he wouldn't reply to my knocking. I still have John, I suppose. And I reckon he's good for a nice snog every now and then.

But what to do? The Veritasamo Potion is still in effect, and it'll be for almost another month now. If I don't get enough courage to tell Remus how much I like him, I'll have to tell the truth to him for the rest of my bloody _life_, which for sure'll be a utter and complete_ disaster_.

**1:19 PM**

I am never going down there ever again. I will starve in this godforsaken room with nothing but an overdue piece of Coakroach Cluster for company and die a horrible death.

My life is _over_.

* * *

**A/N:** Well, I'd finished this chapter on the 29th, but somehow when I opened it the next day all the text had been replaced by spaces. Horrible. Had to type it all up again. 

Notes on John's history and name: yes, his sister is the Lavender we know. I really don't know if she's an only child or not, but I figured that she's such a minor character she could do with a brother in my fic. ;-)

If you have time, look up _Laomedon_ on a search engine. He was a mythlogical Greek king, who was famous for having a specific trait. Yes, his namesake's trait will foreshadow what is going to happen in later chapters.

Also, if you read between the lines, you might have realised that John bears an uncanny likeness to Remus. He looks basically the same (brown hair, brownish eyes) and his first name is actually Remus' real middle name. However, his personality is completely different. I'm sure John will have a bigger role in the next few chapters (as he actually might bring Remus and Tonks together. Awesome, eh?), but for now, just speculate.

I know this is a horribly long author's note, but I just want to thank, again, my reviewers for the last two chapters:

**Pickledishkiller**, **Carnivalgirl**, **starnat**, **captianjack**, **crazy turtle**, **SCK all that's missing is U**, **FCK all that's missing is U**, **iamari**, **MeganLeigh** (I burst out laughing at your review, too XD), **Unforgettable**, **A Panda From CTY**, **Gred**, **Nicky**, **SilverStar24**, **Phillippa of the Phoenix**, **LupinLovesTonks**, **LilypEoVtAtNeSr** (I didn't get your name until I really looked at it o.O) and **flightless wren**! Yay! Thanks to you all!

P.S - to my older sister who will inevitably be reading this - go do your studying. You shouldn't be reading fanfiction when your exams are coming up in a week or two. So go away. o:-)


	8. Chapter Eight Love, Part 7:Conversation

**It All Comes From Being a Chronic Chocoholic**

**6th May, 1995  
Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place**

**3: 21 PM**

Am starving.

Haven't eaten in fifteen-odd hours.

Haven't had anything with chocolate in it for fifteen-odd hours.

Will go crazy if I don't get my required chocolate intake.

**3:48 PM**

Well, Sirius just had a nice talk with me. Yes. I suppose it was more like a lecture.

Anyway, I was having a lovely time trying to concuss myself so I wouldn't think of (drool) triple-layer black forest cake with dark chocolate icing. Drool. Drool. _Droooool_.

_Ahem_. So, there I was, merrily banging my head away on my mahogany headboard, when I decided it wasn't hard enough for concussing me. Therefore I moved on to my bedside drawer. Then I decided that wasn't hard, nor thick or big enough. So I felt that my closet would suffice.

Just so you know, my closet is a hard, thick affair, with a double layer of wood, laminated and polished very highly. It's made of slightly aged beech. Very tough against wear and tear.

Had I just been another normal girl, I would have been knocked out after the bedside drawer. But_ noooo_, I'm an Auror, so I've been trained to withstand physical pain. Bloody trainers, they just have to do it all _right_.

There I was, knocking away on my closet, when all I get is a splitting headache, resulting in double vision. Before I know it, two Siriuses (and I thought one was hard enough to deal with) and two giant beady-eyed Hippogriffs come barging into my room, and the left Sirius drags me away from my very timely demise, the right Sirius gives me a bar of chocolate, and the left Sirius asks me a few questions, which sooner or later evolves into a full-fledged argument, which went something along the lines of this:

"So, Nymphadora, my _dear _cousin, how are you?"

"Fine, _Murderer_, besides the fact that I've a raging headache, I see two of everything, and you gave me a bar of fruit and nut, which I _hate_."

"Alright then, '_Dora_, I'll get you a nice dark chocolate next time, okay?"

"That's fine by me, _Pain-In-The-Rear_."

"Nymph."

"Crybaby."

"Dung-head!"

"Idiot!"

"Child who can't get out!"

"At least I didn't snog someone I pretend to like in front of someone I've fallen head-over-heels for, prat!"

"Who the hell told you about that?"

...And so on.

Turns out Sirius had a talk with Remus last night about the Incident (yes, the Incident has earned itself a capital letter). Two-faced traitorous man. Anyway, Left Sirius (my double vision hadn't quite cleared up yet) told me that Remus actually does like me (Merlin, I swear I'll faint if I write that one more time, the last page of this book's covered it "Remus likes me"s from several minutes of doodling after Sirius left) but he reckons Idon't like him at all. Ha! If only he knew.

_He loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me..._

..And yeah, I haven't made up with Remus yet. Maybe at tonight's Order meeting...?

Ooh, I forgot, John's going to be there. He said he'd try be there, to see what it would be like.

_Crap._

**Attic, 12 Grimmauld Place  
10:03 PM**

Well, the Order meeting ended fairly quickly, so it's soon evolved into a party. Arthur had been cleaning up in the cellars a few days ago and found a whole load of illicit alcohol, then Dung pinched the whole lot off him, and so now everyone's drinking and stuff downstairs, that is, when Molly isn't watching. The things Molly's made are being really quickly consumed, too, like her famous chocolate brownies, apricot cookies, pigs in blankets, and these awesome miniature bread puddings that are baked with honey and dusted with icing-sugar. _Mmm._

This meeting was fairly short, probably because John was there (the Order's always careful with new members). Minerva (since she's taken over the Order's responsibilities since Dumbledore disappeared) said a piece on what we'll all be doing over the next few weeks, and she quickly finished the meeting. A few people left after that, but most members sort of lingered, then started eating, then drinking, and so on.

I came all the way up here because I wanted to write in you. I've had quite a few shots of some strange 90-percent alcohol drink, so excuse me if I'm a little tipsy!

Anyway, John struck up a conversation with me after the meeting, told me he really liked the Order. I said that was really good, but when he tried to kiss me, I wouldn't let him again. After looking rather confused, puzzled, and slightly annoyed, he kissed me on the cheek, gave me a mock lecherous wink, then went off to chat with Emmeline. Soon I started to look for Remus, but I couldn't find him, even when I checked in the library, his favourite spot. Nobody was in there except a pair of indistinguishable people in a rather... _ahem_... suggestive position. I left shortly after I spotted them. And figured out who they were. And damn, how exactly does a thirty-seven-year-old ex-convict on the run catch a woman?

I guess I'll go to find Remus again.

**10:27 PM**

Well! Finally found Remus. He was with Buckbeak. I tried talking to him, but he just quietly and emotionlessly told me to go off and have some fun downstairs. Of course, he had to add in the pleading eyes look, so before I knew it, I was downstairs striking up a conversation with Dedalus Diggle.

Why must I be such a weakling to those bloody _lovely_ eyes of his? I swear, if a Death-Eater had those eyes, I'd be telling him all about the Order.

**10:41 PM**

Why, of _course_ I'm being influenced so easily by those eyes! Because it's that _bloody_ time of the month! After I'd finished having a nice talk and another shot of alcohol with Charlie and Bill, I became very aware of a reddish stain on the kitchen seat I was sitting on. _Gah._ Excused myself very speedily, rushed upstairs, and found the dreaded, evil, and very out-to-get-me, feminine cause of iron loss all over my very new, very clean, and very _white _three-quarter pedal pushers, and also on my _still_ very new, very pale green, and very long tunic-like shirt.

Bah.

I hate my life.

* * *

**A/N:** Ah, a bit of a boring chapter this time around. I _promise_, though, that more interesting things will be coming soon!

Thanks to my reviewers for chapter seven: **Unforgettable**, **LilypEoVtAtNeSr**, **Phillippa of the Phoenix**, **mercutio-rane** (your stories take the cake, by the way), **Carnivalgirl**, **crazy turtle**, **Auramistealia**, **madamwolf**, **siriuslover25**, **FCK all that's missing is U**, **MAEday**, **iamari**, and **lookingforlupin**! A special thanks to all the people who've reviewed all the way from chapter one of the story!


	9. Chapter Nine Love, part 8: Full Realisa...

**It All Comes From Being a Chronic Chocoholic**

**7th May, 1995   
Cubicle, Auror Department**

**10:32 AM**

Reckon Kingsley'll notice if I nip down to Muggle London for a spot of morning tea?

Probably.

**10:33 AM**

Maybe I should get a tattoo, or a nose piercing or something.

Of course, I _could_ quite as easily accidentally get rid of them by forgetting to keep them while morphing. It's hard enough to keep three ear piercings in check, already.

**10:36 AM**

I've only just now realised how boring being an Auror can be at times.

The whole of my group (Fourth Squad, Third Platoon, First Company) is waiting around for word from Nickel Pennywheel. Good old Nick's investigating a bunch of rogue trolls who are terrorising Muggles living in Surrey; we're going to have to keep waiting until a message comes from him. If the trolls get seen by too many people, they might have to send in the Magical Law Enforcement Squad and the Obliviators. Horrible stuff, are trolls. Apparently Harry and Ron knocked a full-grown mountain troll in their second year; there's not many adult wizards that would be brave enough to get within ten feet from a troll!

There's a bit of hush-hush rumors going about concerning the trolls, also; they're saying someone sent them specifically to kill a Muggle or two or ten _or_ a _dozen_. Kingsley's told the people posted at Order Headquarters at the moment; that'll be Sturgis and Elphias, they'll pass on the message to any other members who are available. They'll go and investigate the trolls as well, except they'll be trying to see if any of it's Voldemort's work. Luckily, there's quite a few members who are already in Surrey, trying to disarm a few Death Eaters McGonagall's found out are lurking in some of the suburban neighbourhoods.

**Order Meeting Room, 12 Grimmauld Place  
7:03 PM**

How terrible!

It turns out that there's a spy in the Order. McGonagall called an emergency meeting, with only the most trusted members in it; that's Molly, Arthur, Mad-Eye, Remus, Sirius, Kingsley, and Dedalus, as well as me. She told us that Sturgis, Elphias, and their crew found that the trolls hadn't just been aiming for the Muggles in that area, they had tried to pick off the Order members we had sent there to get rid of the Death-Eaters! Someone had told Voldemort that some of our members would be in Surrey today; that means the person who told must have been at yesterday's meeting. It's horrible, not knowing who to trust and who not to trust.

Well, anyway, McGonagall told us to be on the lookout for any Order members who're looking especially sneaky, or who are asking strange questions, and so on. In this war, I suppose it's best not to trust many people at all.

**Bar, The Three Broomsticks  
7:42 PM**

Just craved a whole load of dark chocolate, so I Apparated over to Honeydukes to get my fix. Meanwhile, decided to come over here for a nice Butterbeer or two.

Of course, I had to come to the one place where Remus Lupin is sitting, right now. Next. To. _Me_.

Thank Circe I decided on a completely different look (black hair, hazel eyes, rather stocky build), but still, every time he moves, I find myself wanting to talk to him.

Bloody _hell_!

And I'm _not_ stalking him. Just because I happened to sit next to him, in the midst of a very not-busy-at-all pub, where I could've chosen about a million other places to have a seat. Erm. Yes. Back to the matter at hand.

He's drinking scotch again. If he keeps it up, he'll turn into an alcoholic soon. And he still doesn't talk to me, even in Grimmauld Place with everyone, he just sort of ignores me unless I directly ask him something, and even then, he just says "yes" or "no" or "mm-hmm" or something equally vague.

_Sigh._

Whoops!

Oh _dear_.

**8:02 PM**

I accidentally knocked over my Butterbeer. It promptly spilled all over you, and Remus' elbow.

_Well, that's one way to get men to notice me._

Anyway, he turned around as I was frantically trying to wipe all the Butterbeer off you, and he was about to apologise (for doing nothing, by the way), then stopped and said thoughtfully, "do I know you?"

I was torn between saying yes and no, so I ended up saying "ye - n - say, is that _scotch_?" while accidentally knocking over his glass while I was gesturing to it as well.

His eyes narrowed, and he said suspiciously, "_Tonks_?" at which I immediately flushed a bright red. Giving it away completely, I cleared my throat hopefully, but he cut me off before I could say a thing.

"Tonks, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine. Look, Nymphadora, I don't know what I feel for you - be it a concupiscent attraction, or something_ more_ - but I can't do this, I need time." He stood up, donned his cloak, and swept outside.

Then I promptly fell off my chair.

_He loves me!_

...Say, what does _concupiscent_ mean again?

**8:07 PM**

_He loves me!_

* * *

**A/N**: Gackkk, I know it's so short and horribly written otherwise! (ducks in order to avoid angry readers) I had a dreadful case of writer's block over the weekend, and I couldn't think of how I could finish this, and another one-shot I'm writing! I feel horrible, just so you know, and I'll make sure the next chapter is extra-long for your enjoyment! Um... also... (looks around furtively) _thenextchapteristhesecondlast_. 

(ducks again to avoid hordes of rotten tomatoes)

Thanks to my reviewers: **SCK all that's missing is U**, **Pickledishkiller**, **FCK all that's missing is U**, **starnat**, **crazy turtle**, **Lone Stranger**, **mercutio-rane**, **Phillipa of the Phoenix**, **charmingsponge**, **New England Shopper**, **ms.understood**, and **madamwolf**! Yay!

_ms.understood_: Actually, I was planning to do this as a stand-alone... I toyed with the idea of Remus' POV for a little while, but then I realised that it would be too revealing to show his mind. If someone else did it, that would be (alas) somehow even worse, because I am a dreadfully meticulous person when it comes to writing, and I would pick only the most articulate, intelligent, understanding, and psychic person to write his rather wordy POV. Even then, I would find critique for them XD However, I have no doubt you'd be wonderful for the job... if I could give up my precious Remus' mind to someone else, lol!


	10. Chapter Ten Love, Part 9: Confession

**It All Comes From Being a Chronic Chocoholic**

**8th May, 1995  
Kitchen, Grimmauld Place**

**10:42 AM**

Woke up this morning with a terrible urge to throw something. After several pulls for power with my inner destructor, the urge won and I threw my glasses (the fake ones, yeah) at the wall. They broke with a satisfying _crack_.

Then I felt like throwing my bedside lamp at the wall too. Ended up throwing it, again, and it crashed on to the floor with a rather loud _smash_.

Then I made a dreadful mistake by picking up my wand and throwing it at the wall, as well. My wand's pretty damn powerful, you see; Ponvatier (not as good as Ollivander's, but still pretty good), twelve point four inches, polished strawberry, core of Boggart entrails, perfect for Transfiguration. Sounds disgusting, I know, but it was special, a rare core and wood.

Anyway, the bloody thing gave off a few sparks, then the very dry, peeling wood of the floor set on fire. Horrified, I watched as the fire made its way across the floorboards and up the doorframe, running across my wand as well. Finally, recovered enough sense to call for help. Only one in the house was Remus, and by the time he got here, all that was left of my wand was a twisted, deformed lump of ashy wood.

Then I realised I was standing there in the tiny _nightie_ my mother gave me when I was _six_. It has little _hearts_ on it. And _teddy bears_. And a whole host of other incredibly childish things. Also, it barely covers my arse, for Merlin's sake!

So, once again, I humiliated myself in front of the man who I'm falling for. Luckily, he said nothing after he put out the fire, he just walked out. I'd have preferred if he had grabbed me and snogged me senseless, but I reckon he was a bit hung over.

Either that or he was just ignoring me.

I think I'll stick with the former.

**10:52 AM**

Say, I need to buy a new wand.

Maybe I'll stop by Ollivander's later today.

**12:19 PM**

Am officially creeped out.

It all started today when I stopped by Ollivander's to get myself a new wand. When I went in the place, I saw John there, talking to good old Ollivander himself. I tried to sneak out, but he spotted me, so I put on my nice smiling face and he struck up a conversation.

"Tonks! I haven't talked to you for a few days!"

"Um... wotcher, John." Squirmed. Hoped Ollivander would save me, but he started stacking back up a whole load of loose wand cases.

"We have so much to catch up on!" I'm starting to think John's gay. After all, the only people who've told me "we have so much to catch up on" were - well, my gay male friends.

"Sure." Squirmed some more.

"What about a night out at a nightclub? Say, this Friday? All Ministry employees have Friday evening off, right?"

"Er-" Paused, then glanced around, using my puppy-dog eyes to lure Ollivander towards us. It worked. "Say, John, why don't we talk about this later? Well, yes, see you later. Bye!"

Before he could say anything else, I ran to the other end of the room, to where I plonked down on a stool and began to get fitted for a wand.

I went through a good half-hour's worth of wands; being a Metamorphagi, it's pretty hard to be fitted with a wand that'll respond perfectly to our unique magical genes. Finally, I picked up one particularly long wand, gave it a wave, and it felt perfect. A scattering of colourful gems fell on to the floor.

Ollivander gave me one of his piercing trademark stares, and murmured softly, "An odd combination, Miss Tonks. The only core different from all the others in all my years I've made; the rarest wood I've ever carved. Thirteen and a half inches, sturdy, excellent for Transfiguration,Arran rowan wood, three hairs from the hackle of a male wolf on a full moon. Thirty years it's been in my inventory, Miss Tonks. Take good care of it."

Paid the eighteen galleons it was worth. Sure as bloody hell _rare_, more than twice the cost of a normal wand. I did work a little magic with it, though, I barely had to flick it to change the kitchen table into a pig.

**12:32 PM**

Wait a second - did he say a wolf?

...on the full moon?

Oh, _Merlin._

**1:52 PM**

Hey, there's another emergency Order meeting today, in the evening. Hopefully we'll get more light on what's happening with the whole spy thing. According to McGonagall's owl, they've found out who it is. Before I could read any more, though, the minute-timed letter burst into flames. I was never really a fast reader.

Strangely, Molly (stopped over here to cook for the meeting - no matter how many people are here, she always does, really early too) and Sirius kept staring at me sympathetically. Something I don't know about, I suppose.

Remus hasn't come down from his room yet. Hopefully, he'll come out slightly less - I dunno, _annoyed_ at me or something like that - and will actually talk to me now. I reckon I'll be so poised, and calm, and collected, that he can't help but listen to me.

Not like that's going to be a problem, you know. Because I am poised, calm, and collected.

Except not, y'know, all the time.

Ah, who am I kidding?

**Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place  
****  
11:41 PM**

I have extremely bad news. On the other hand, I have really good news also.

Bad news: _John_ betrayed the Order.

It turns out he's a bloody Death Eater - well, the beginnings of one. You see, in the Ministry, Voldemort's placed job deals for the power-hungry employees. Amazingly, the advertisments seem to have nothing to do with Voldemort's activities, I suppose that's why quite a few of the employees in different departments have joined.

John was one of them, I suppose. He joined for power, like what virtually every Ministry employee is aiming for, and he just turned into a pawn for Voldemort. He told Voldemort _everything_.

Of course, I was so bloody stupid to believe him, with his stories of his kid sister and his childhood and stuff... of course, he so subtly jammed in questions about my life that I spilled about the Order, and I even brought him to Grimmauld. Luckily, Dumbledore invented a handy little charm: before a member of the Order is initiated, and he or she goes to meetings, after they leave Grimmauld they forget where they are, and just go home. That saved me.

I can't believe that I was so stupidto fall for all of his traps! Granted, I do feel a bit calmer than I did an hour or so ago, but still...

And now is for the _good_ news!

I'm in Remus' room right now.

Well, actually, I'm sitting on the bed, and we just -

Not _that_, you sick-minded pervert of a diary!

I simply can't believe you. _Hmph._

Anyway... _where_ was I?

Well, it all started like this: the time of the month made me incredibly soggy, and I ran upstairs after I found out about the whole John thing, and I accidently stormed into Remus' room by mistake. He was at his desk, hunched over some little thing I hadn't caught sight of, and when he heard me, he stuffed the thing into his pocket and stood around to face me. A flicker of confusion swept over his face, then he asked me what was wrong.

I burst into tears then, and he was so horribly alarmed that when I dashed and flung myself into his arms (tripping over one of his books on the way) he just very awkwardly patted my head.

Then, of course, I told him everything that had happened - not by my own will, of course, but that bloody potion messing up my words. In the comfort of his nice warm arms, and his soft, albeit threadbare jumper, and under all those clothes he must have a very nice bod-

Let me take a breath of air, first.

.._Okay_.

Well, when I said how stupid I must have been, he just gave a little smile down at me, pulled away slightly, then said in quite the most romantic words anyone's ever said to me, "You're not stupid, Tonks. Maybe a little blinded, but not stupid. You are the furthest from stupid that is ever possible -" he looked quite surprised as he said it, I thik the potion was acting up on him, too - "you're intelligent, funny, _very_ attractive..." Remus trailed off and turned a becoming shade of red.

Before I could say thanks, though, he blurted, "I think I like you, Tonks, and not in the way that a friend likes a friend, I mean - well, I'm terribly inarticulate at the moment so _please_ make be be quiet."

I was surprised at this, and I might say I was gaping like a bloody goldfish (ha, so much for poised, calm, and collected) but he just lowered his head, still looking flustered, and placed a very sweet kiss on my nose.

I still did nothing, for some reason. So I stood there, petrified, and blushed.

So, he pulled away and said in a very small voice, "Of course, if you don't feel that way - I daresay I'm the stupid one at the moment. Well, forget what I said, if you please."

I finally resumed my sanity, called him a stupid git, and kissed him on the lips.

After that, I could actually feel the potion's effects wearing away, and I swear it wasn't a lustful kiss, either, just a little one. He grinned down at me (damn those beautiful eyes) and we sort of ..._cuddled_.

...I think I'll be getting that snog _any_ time now.

* * *

**A/N**: alrightly, in unison now...

_AWWWWWWW_.

(coughs, then resumes actual author's note)

Of course I'm not an evil pr0cr4s71n470r. Just.. well, rather out of line. (grins)

So, there goes the dreadfully fluffy second-last chapter! What can be next, you ask, if they've gotten together now?

Oooh, _so_ much more. In the next chapter: names, bear hugs galore, and the return of the evil hot-pink rubber ducky from chapter four. ;-)

Much thanks to my reviewers:

**Auramistealia**, **flightless wren**, **So Desperately Obvious**, **Pickledishkiller**, **starnat**, **LupinLovesTonks**, **So Obviously Desperate**, **New England Shopper**, **Valaina Surion**, **crazy turtle**, **Lone Stranger**, **madamwolf**, **Rose**, **nebulia**, **Unforgettable**, and **Katie Mae**!

I agree with you guys on the topic of tomatoes. Pomegranates are just so much nicer. For one, they're not squishy. Though the hard skin might pose a problem... :-)


	11. Epilogue: Two Chronic Chocoholics

**It All Comes From Being A Chronic Chocoholic**

**9th May, 1995  
Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place**

11:51 AM

This morning, I expected to wake up rejuvenated and gloriously feminine, with golden sunlight streaming through the window.

Unfortunately, I woke up crabby and swore at the pouring rain outside. I was in an unfamiliar (but comfy) bed. As I untangled my clothed self from the sheets, I finally noticed the spreading red stain under me.

I shrieked, jumped up, and ran to the bathroom, the concept of scourgify forgotten.

Second disaster of the day: no pads left in the cupboard. No emergency tampons either.

Then I heard Sirius outside the door, cackling madly, and it turns out he stole all of my pads, tampons, and the toilet paper (Merlin knows what for) and decorated Kreacher's corner with them.

Let's see: Aunt Bella, a Death Eater; Aunt Cissa, married to a Death Eater; my mother, crazy as a Death Eater; Sirius, convicted as a Death Eater.

Normal relatives, I have none.

**Kitchen, 12 Grimmauld Place  
12:13 PM**

I just floo'ed Moody to tell him I want a day off work. He obliged, but not without an odd little look that I think he meant to mean "tell me later".

Sigh.

_AUGH BLOODY HELL WHAT THE_ -

Stupid rubber duck.

It just bounced evilly out of nowhere, and is now sitting menacingly on the table in front of me with this demented grin on its face.

I hate it.

More than that, I _despise_ it.

I wish it would wither up and _dieeeeeee_.

**12:37 PM**

New revelations into my life.

Remus thinks the bloody thing is _cute_. **_Cute_**!

I am not letting him get away with this.

Sirius is a nosy git.

Do I have any of that gender potion anywhere?

**12:52 PM**

I suppose you want an in-depth description?

Fine.

I was sitting here, glaring at the duck, when Remus comes downstairs, concern written all over that face of his. "Are you alright?" he asks. I scowl at him.

So, he comes to the table and sits down, looks at the duck, and bursts out in hysterical fits of laughter.

I asked him what was so funny, and he answered that it looked so silly, me being so angry at the duck, which was - get this - _cute_.

Then, Remus launched into a scarring-for-life conversation with the stupid bath toy, starting with, "Hello, ducky, my name's Remus. I vaguely remember you from when Tonks here threw you at me," and ending with, "Say, what's your name?"

Then he turned to me and asked whether I've named the duck.

Bloody duck.

Remus then rattled off a series of names, most of which were completely unrelated to ducks ("King Henry VIII"? Please. He killed half of his _wives_.)

Then he changed the subject.

"Nymphadora, what do you really want me to call you?" he said with that look with the eyes and the mouth and the _augghhh_. I finally managed to squeak out, "Tonks."

He shook his head. "What about Dora?"

"My best friend at Hogwarts called me that. She's a Witch Weekly cover-witch now. No thanks."

"Then... what about Nymph? It's a beautiful nickname."

"My father calls me that. It would make me feel like you were my father."

Remus frowned; I knew what he was thinking.

"You're not that old." I said, my tone a little on the harsh side. Sometimes, that man needs to have better self-esteem, I swear.

Remus opened his mouth to spout a hasty retort. I stopped him by clamping my mouth firmly over his.

Tactful, I am _not_.

Anyway. To Sirius.

We were getting _quite_ intimate when Sirius barged in and asked where his flea collar went. "It's not here," I hissed, trying to look intimidating but that's not very easy when you were just spotted snogging by your mother's cousin.

Sirius beamed and sat down next to Remus, who was looking jolly uncomfortable. "So you two have finally owned up, eh?" Sirius said, not able to keep the inevitable grin off his face.

I know that I went red, which was not what I was aiming at. I was trying to be poised, calm, and collected.

Which I am not. _At all_.

"Sirius," Remus warned him. A smile played around his mouth. Damn men.

"So. I wonder, Tonks, why you didn't turn up in your bedroom last night..." Sirius teased, the same evil smirk on his face.

I scowled. What I really wanted to do, just then, was grab his neck and plunge him into that murky pond at the back of the house. I would delight in it, as I swear I saw a Grindylow in there. Muahaha. _Muahaha_!

Anyway. Back to the point.

"Sod off, Sirius," I growled. I thought it was a great display of toughness; the only problem is, it was promptly ruined as I had been balancing myself on two legs of the chair, and the forces above chose _that_ moment to make me fall off.

They snickered. Sirius gave Remus one of those women-don't-understand bear hugs and the two went off upstairs together.

Evil buggers.

**1:26 PM**

I just realised that this is the last page of you, Diary. Not that you're a Diary-with-a-capital-D diary. Because you're not.

Whoops, a little off-track there.

Anyway, what _shall_ I do without you? I won't have you to write in at all, ever. Or I could persuade Molly to get me another one for Christmas.

When I'm old, I'll look back in you and laugh because that's the sort of thing people in clichéd stories do. Either that or I'll throw you down the toilet.

Oh, or maybe I'll publish you and the whole Wizarding World will be able to read the trials and tribulations of a Metamorphmagus falling (literally) in love with a werewolf. Because it's not easy to do this, y'know. They have the_ worst_ self-esteem.

Or maybe, ten years from now, I'll show all my girlfriends this book and we'll laugh about it. Because there's no way to predict the future, unless you employ an actual Seer.

I don't know. I'll never know. The only thing I know is that I'll finally get to snuggle with my favourite werewolf.

And maybe that nightgown_ will_ come in handy soon.

* * *

**A/N:** So there it is. My pride and joy. My baby. Chocoholics is finished.

I plan on writing a few more R/T fics (that is, if there isn't any indication in HBP that R/T is a sunken ship, which I hope not) and then I might retire from the R/T fandom for real. I want to write some R/Hr before the books end.

So, now, I'm officially on HIATUS. I'll be back in a few weeks; I just need to sort out my evil plotbunnies, provide the clearance I need to bring you more fluff.

So, now that's over with, thanks to ALL my reviewers:

**TonksIsMyHero, Nicky, LupinLover99, wouldn't you like to know, JediMasterKellie, Sibby, lupinslightnings, Letishia, lupinsmoon12391, Silvar, Phillipa of the Phoenix, Sirael, Carnivalgirl, Trekgirl01, Lone Stranger, So Obviously Desperate, madam wolf, crazy turtle, A League of Their Own Fan, Unforgettable, cyancrystaldolphins, starnat, Auramistealia, Pickledishkiller, mercutio-rane, Katie Mae, nebulia, Rose, ms.understood, Valainia Surion, LupinLovesTonks, So Desperately Obvious, charmingsponge, looking for lupin, iamari, MAEday, siriuslover25, LilypEoVtAtNeSr, flightless wren, SilverStar24, Gred, A Panda From CTY, MeganLeigh, captianjack, Rae Roberts, Miz Granger, TrinityDD, Lavender Tears, o SugarLily o, LuluCebu, winklynn88**, and last but not least, **Alice L Longbottom!** Thanks so much!


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